“It’s Just so Hard with Her”

I caught myself in the midst of displaying a troubling pattern the yesterday. I have many new, not-so-great habits I’ve developed as a new mom, including countless, rampant text-message typos (and completely forgetting to respond to most), a terrifying lack of interest in brushing my hair, and the consistent inner battle between the part of me that wants a shiny-clean home and the part that needs a five-minute break. But the very worst one, I’m convinced, is the use of the phrase, “It’s just so hard with her.” I’m pretty sure I developed this new standby when Willow was about a week old and I was trying to find an explanation for not being able to get anything accomplished when Josh left for two hours to pick up prescriptions in the driven snow. I was embarrassed, tired, and covered in breastmilk and tears upon his return. Her tears, my tears, who knew? I was so full of obsessive love for this tiny creature, I would just watch her sleep in my arms and feel the weighty pain of feeling and let the warm tears just run all over both of us. And in the back of my mind I was […]